I have made quite a few local peregrinations, inside and outside the Beltway. In my travels across the metro area, I have made a few little observations.
There are distinct differences among the towns, the counties, and the states, all within 25 miles of the U.S. Capitol. I will try to synthesize my observations for your consideration and comment. Allow me to draw the following distinctions…
District of Columbia: heavy rush-hour traffic
Montgomery County: cruel rush-hour traffic
Prince George’s County: cruel and unusual rush-hour traffic
Northern Virginia: free parking on the roadways in the afternoon
P.G.: dysfunctional local government
Montgomery: over-functional local government
District: not-as-bad-as-it-used-to-be local government
NoVa: no local government
P.G.: FedEx Field
District: White House
Montgomery: White Flint
District: aggressive bicycling and/or art films
P.G.: creek fishing
NoVa: Civil War re-enactment
District: megaphones and/or megalomania
NoVa: Virginia Beach
Montgomery: Cape Cod
District: Outer Banks
P.G.: Ocean City
Montgomery: Never knowingly entered P.G. County
NoVa: “Where is Laurel? Never heard of it. Is it in America?”
P.G.: Germantown is near Germany
N.W. D.C.: Bethesda or bust
S.E. D.C.: Largo Town Center or bust
Montgomery: Major religion: Catholic
NoVa: Major religion: Catholic
P.G.: Major religion involving both black and white people: Catholic
District: Major religion: None
P.G.: Go, girl!
Dist: Check, please.
Mont: Were you speaking to me?
P.G.: Walking on the shoulder (in dark clothing at night)
Dist: Chef Geoff’s
NoVa: Cheesecake Factory
NoVa: Schismatic conservative Episcopalians
Montgomery: Bertucci brownie
P.G.: Three Musketeers
NoVa: Dairy Queen
Montgomery: Saab or hybrid
District: Smart Car
P.G.: Chevy Impala
NoVa: Fuel-efficient S.U.V.
P.G.: Family room
NoVa: Finished basement
District: Sidewalk cafe or 7-11
Now, let me hasten to add that what we all have in common outweighs these minor differences. The good Lord makes his sun shine and his rain fall on both the bad and the good in all the jurisdictions. A Big Daddy is 25 ounces in all of them. We are really one big happy family of a metropolitan area. It just takes all day to get from one side of it to the other, because of the traffic.
4 thoughts on “A Tale of Four Parts of the Metropolis”
“No local government” for NoVa? I’ll take the Arlington County Board for effectiveness and efficiency over anybody. And I’ve never heard “hooah” in Arlington County. Fondly, a devoted Arlington County reader
I have heard “Hooah,” but I’m in Fairfax County. Arlington County could probably have its own category, though in some terms is probably more like DC than its neighbors.
A former Army officer says “hooah” is Army, Army is in Arlington therefore Arlington is “hooah” territory.
Thanks for the blog frmarkdwhite!