A Tale of Four Parts of the Metropolis

I have made quite a few local peregrinations, inside and outside the Beltway. In my travels across the metro area, I have made a few little observations.

There are distinct differences among the towns, the counties, and the states, all within 25 miles of the U.S. Capitol. I will try to synthesize my observations for your consideration and comment. Allow me to draw the following distinctions…

District of Columbia: heavy rush-hour traffic
Montgomery County: cruel rush-hour traffic
Prince George’s County: cruel and unusual rush-hour traffic
Northern Virginia: free parking on the roadways in the afternoon

P.G.: dysfunctional local government
Montgomery: over-functional local government
District: not-as-bad-as-it-used-to-be local government
NoVa: no local government

NoVa: Pentagon
P.G.: FedEx Field
District: White House
Montgomery: White Flint

Montgomery: golf
District: aggressive bicycling and/or art films
P.G.: creek fishing
NoVa: Civil War re-enactment

P.G.: megachurches
Montgomery: megaplexes
District: megaphones and/or megalomania
NoVa: meatloaf

NoVa: Virginia Beach
Montgomery: Cape Cod
District: Outer Banks
P.G.: Ocean City

Dist: Redskins
Mont.: Redskins
P.G.: REDSKINS
NoVa: Redskins

Montgomery: Never knowingly entered P.G. County
NoVa: “Where is Laurel? Never heard of it. Is it in America?”
P.G.: Germantown is near Germany
N.W. D.C.: Bethesda or bust
S.E. D.C.: Largo Town Center or bust

Montgomery: Major religion: Catholic
NoVa: Major religion: Catholic
P.G.: Major religion involving both black and white people: Catholic
District: Major religion: None

NoVa: Hooah!
P.G.: Go, girl!
Dist: Check, please.
Mont: Were you speaking to me?

Mont.: I-270
Dist: Metro
P.G.: Walking on the shoulder (in dark clothing at night)
NoVa: Slugging

Mont: Clyde’s
Dist: Chef Geoff’s
NoVa: Cheesecake Factory
P.G.:

P.G.: Obama
Dist.: Obama
Montgomery: Obama
NoVa: Obama

Dist: Ethiopians
Mont.: Jews
P.G.: Horse-farmers
NoVa: Schismatic conservative Episcopalians

Montgomery: Bertucci brownie
P.G.: Three Musketeers
District: dieting
NoVa: Dairy Queen

Montgomery: Saab or hybrid
District: Smart Car
P.G.: Chevy Impala
NoVa: Fuel-efficient S.U.V.

P.G.: Family room
Montgomery: Deck
NoVa: Finished basement
District: Sidewalk cafe or 7-11

Now, let me hasten to add that what we all have in common outweighs these minor differences. The good Lord makes his sun shine and his rain fall on both the bad and the good in all the jurisdictions. A Big Daddy is 25 ounces in all of them. We are really one big happy family of a metropolitan area. It just takes all day to get from one side of it to the other, because of the traffic.