Paisans Rule! Plus: Romeo, Juliet, and the Priest

I know that I am risking a few canceled subscriptions here, but…

…We present Dickie V. at his best:

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I asked an unchurched friend of mine once if he knew anything about the Ten Plagues of Egypt. He replied, “Wasn’t one of them Dick Vitale?” But I think the guy is great.

…The women’s game is a little rough for me. Nonetheless, when P & BD-favorite Kim Mulkey is involved, we pay attention. The Baylor coach was hospitalized yesterday, but the Lady Bears won in overtime anyway.

…If you are interested in reading more about the disingenuous reaction to the Holy Father’s remarks on abstinence, here is a thorough analysis.

…Most people think that Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is a play about beautiful youthful romance. It is not.

The play is about youthful impetuosity, self-indulgence, solipsism, and willfulness.

In my opinion, the play ought to have been entitled, “Romeo, Juliet, and the Pushover Priest,” because Friar Lawrence is actually the villain of this tragedy.

Sometimes the priest has to say, “You know, what you propose is simply not a good idea.” The priest is everyone’s father, and fathers have to say no all the time.

Friar Lawrence should have said no when Romeo insisted on marrying Juliet less than twelve hours after they met. “There is a six-month preparation period, young man…”

Friar Lawrence should have stuck to his guns when he told Romeo he was being a “woman” after the young duelist complained about being banished from Verona. Instead, the priest wilted and promised to come up with a scheme to re-unite the star-crossed lovers.

Friar Lawrence did not have the guts to acknowledge that he had already performed Juliet’s wedding to Romeo. He was prohibited by law from presiding over her marriage to County Paris, but the wimpy priest would not admit it.

Friar Lawrence should have told Juliet to calm down and put her dagger away when she came to him in desperation. Instead, he gave her a drug to make her look dead. (Talk about a bad idea!)

The friar’s cockamamie scheme fell apart because his letter never reached Mantua. Instead of taking responsibility, he blamed it on “unhappy fortune.”

The moral of Romeo and Juliet is NOT: Young love is tragically beautiful.

The moral of Romeo and Juliet is: When in doubt, priests should say no.

…Also, just in case you were thinking of serving tofurkey for Easter dinner…