Hank, Jr. 2.0: A Catholic Boy Can Survive

—
In a dream-like moment, I found myself at a backwoods karaoke hoedown. Junior’s defiant riffs reverberated out of the speakers. Then, to my surprise, I heard the following lyrics…

Newsman has a lot for Her to handle
Health-care mandates, clergy scandal
Immorality’s up, Sunday practice down
Eyebrows are raised if you
cross yourself in town

Hard times, though, make us grateful—
Blessed Mother, angels, saints, and all the faithful.
We got the faith of Peter and an inch-thick hide.
The Catholic Church can survive.
A Catholic boy can survive.

We can quote Scripture all day long
Monks, nuns raise holy hands from dusk till dawn.
Make our own schools; hospitals, too.
There’s only one thing the Church can’t do:
Can’t betray the mission till the end of time.
The Catholic Church has survived.
The Catholic Church will survive.

Because you can’t change what’s founded on the Rock of Christ.
This fallen world ain’t never been nice.
We say Hail Marys and we say Amen.
And if you’re poor and struggling, we do give a damn.

We come from It’ly, Spain, and France
The whole thing started in the Holy Land.
We can think things through, make distinctions fine,
And the Catholic Church can survive.
A Catholic girl can survive.

Had an agnostic friend, liked books and the theater.
He never called me by name, only ‘fisheater.’
Our Holy Father taught us to hold the Creed.
His pa taught him not to believe.
Sent me some pictures of the glamour-life that was his’n;
And I sent him the Baltimore catechism.

But he was seduced to sin by Satan’s patrol
For the pleasures of the flesh, my friend lost his soul.
I’d love to sprinkle that demon with a holy-water bottle,
‘Cuz we priests of God, we go full-throttle.
The Catholic Church can survive.
The Catholic Church can survive.

Because you can’t change what’s founded on the Rock of Christ.
This fallen world ain’t never been nice.
We say Hail Marys and we say Amen.
And if you reach out to Him, Jesus lends you a hand.

We come from Africa; Asia, too.
Our forebears sailed all the oceans blue.
We know how to suffer and make it sublime.
The Catholic Church can survive.
The Catholic Church will survive.