Reason #4 P!NK

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?

Thus far three resounding reasons have been offered here as to why the Oughts did not pass through time like a “Lost Decade.”

(Lord of the Rings movies, Foo Fighters, Pope John Paul II)

Now, let us ponder this:

In order to thunder from heaven with a clap of reverberating pop-music genius, it appears to be necessary to have a one-syllable nom de plume that begins with P.

“What part of party don’t you understand?”

Look, she rocks. I don’t care that she throws around f-bombs like petunias at a Jessica-Lange garden party. I don’t care that she takes stupid, predictable pot-shots at Holy Church in her videos. I don’t care that she writes self-righteous letters for dumb, trendy causes. And I don’t even like “Don’t Let Me Get Me.”

But she enchants like a siren.

“Glitter in the Air,” “Raise Your Glass,” and “Sober.” “Who Knew?” and “So What?” “Just Like a Pill” and “Please Don’t Leave Me.” Are you kidding me? One poke-me-cause-Im-dreaming work of excellence after another.

If I could get away with it, I would sing the chorus of “F**king Perfect” to everyone. I cry every time I hear it.

I am not ashamed to admit that I love P!nk and wish her happiness with her newborn baby girl.

Rocking Phoenix

Another luminous miracle of the Oughts? The Foo Fighters.

In 1994 the hipster world panicked/mourned. Teen Spirit didn’t smell so good any more.

A disaster? May the poor young man rest in peace. But no disaster. The Foo Fighters rose from the ashes.

And during the Oughts Decade we got to hear: “Learn to Fly” (released, admittedly, in 1998), “Times Like These,” “The Pretender,” AND “Wheels,” which is just about the most excellent song ever.

(You can have “Best of You”—not my favorite.)

Overshadowed by a lot of other acts that are full of nonsense, the Foo Fighters single-handedly managed to rock out the Oughts in a respectable manner. May God be praised.

Another thing…

…to keep in mind is:

In order to win the ACC tournament, the Virginia Tech Hokies will have to beat:

1. Georgia Tech on Thursday, which is eminently doable.

2. Florida State on Friday. (Tough.)

3. Duke on Saturday. (Been done!)

4. UNC on Sunday.

If Tech makes it to the final, I will root with the Blacksburghers. Otherwise, go Tar Heels!

…May I make one other observation?

If you are like me, you have watched “The Lord of the Rings” movie trilogy more times than you care to remember. The movies are now a decade old.*

When the movies were first released, I was livid because they departed so shamelessly from the books. But I soon persuaded myself to go easy. After all, film is a different genre, and some concessions must be made.

Does it make sense for Aragorn to be felled in a skirmish with Uruk scouts, only to be revived by a kissy-kissy from Liv Tyler? No, it makes no sense. But this is a movie.

Does Viggo Mortensen ‘own’ the role of Aragorn, as Peter Jackson put it? Um…Does Pierce Brosnan ‘own’ James Bond? Does Vivien Leigh ‘own’ Anna Karenina? Does Jim Caviezel ‘own’ our Lord Jesus Christ? NOT. No. Not at all. Good yeoman efforts, yes. But ‘own?’ Please. (By the by, in my opinion, George C. Scott does in fact own Rochester, so you can forget about this new Jane Eyre movie.)

However: I can live with Viggo Mortensen.

Should poor John Rhys-Davies, an accomplished Shakespearean, and poor Gimli son of Gloin, who could kick any of our butts before you can say the word ‘midget’–should the Dwarf warrior be reduced to silly comic relief? No. But…We will let it go.

So I have had a decade of peaceful coexistence with these movies. But two particular things still rankle. They both concern the final film, and they have helped me to realize exactly what these movies are.

1. How is it possible that the script-writers thought it was plausible for Elrond to demand that Aragorn “forget the Ranger,” and become the man he was meant to be? Makes NO sense. The Rangers are the Dunedain, the remnants of the most excellent men, the Numenoreans. Even if we leave that aside, Aragorn’s majesty derives precisely from his humble, hardscrabble Ranger resourcefulness. If he were no Ranger, he would be no king.

2. In the greatest betrayal of all time, how could Peter Jackson possibly have thought that it was alright to remove the most important part of the whole plot? The climax of the book is NOT the destruction of the Ring or victory over Sauron’s armies. The climax of the book is when the Hobbits return to the Shire and clear Saruman’s petty dictators out of it.

Oh–you didn’t know that Saruman went north into the Shire after Isengard was reduced to ruins by the Ents? You didn’t know that the evil wizard engineered a sinister take-over of the the Hobbits’ homeland by wastrels he found wandering the roads around Bree? You didn’t know that Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin had to show the punks who was boss when the heroes returned home from Gondor?

Well, that’s because you wouldn’t know it, based on the dagblame movie. Since the movie pretends that such things never even happened!

So, what are Peter Jackson’s movies? They are an extremely good comic-book version of the “The Lord of the Rings.” It is hard to imagine a better comic-book version.

*This is the beginning of a LONG series of ‘Reflections on the Oughts Decade.’