I congratulate my dear brother Ben, who was married today to lovely Jenna. I wish them every happiness. But the occasion moves me to recount some reasons why I love my celibate life…
1. Considerably more time for reading.
2. I can sing as loud as I want in the car, and no one minds.
3. Every time a baby has vomited sputum on my shoulder, or gone to the bathroom in my arms, I have gotten huge credit for being a stand-up guy. Absolutely every time.
4. No chance that any child of mine will ever go to Duke or UConn, or grow up and marry a Cowboys fan.
5. Whenever I go to a meeting in the principal’s office, it’s the principal who’s in trouble.
6. Considerably more time for reading.
7. The people who get disappointed in me because I’m a goofball rarely have an opportunity to let me know.
8. Whenever someone in the house yells at the dishes in the sink, I am never in the dark as to what happened to cause this.
9. No father-in-law gives me weird looks while I read a Jane Austen novel during commercial breaks in Thanksgiving football.
10. Sure, I have a hundred times more people who expect me to read their minds on a daily basis. But I don’t have to share a bathroom with any of them.
Happy Thanksgiving! May the good Lord bless us all, in our particular states of life.